To the man inside

One of my weird Stoner Stages.

I still Stone, but that was the bad days.

So it starts off,

I'm sitting in my room as thoughts grace my mind with there presents,
it has been a while I missed them. A feeling of remorse, but a strong
feeling of confusion as to where had they been misplaced ?
As the days began to pass, they became longer. As if they would never end.
Do you ever feel like that ? I waited along the road
side on the rainy afternoon, I counted ever silver and black car passing me.
Why?, Truthfully I Don't know. Growing up never felt this hard. As the rain
beats my face red, I become Glassed over. It was like I lost all feeling in my body.
I bet your probably asking, " what is she getting to ",Truth. I don't know?
Finally I get up, If only to spite my watchers. My walk home is filled with sounds,
only because my thoughts become mute. Once they cought up to me, it was
like being a debate room every point shouted across the room with no break.
I'm trying to piece together the last few days, but all the events don't match up.

I wake up, and it is 12:oo am.

I read a message on my computer, I lose my train of thought.
I begin to wounder if that was the point, close the computer.
Remembering the words of my worried mother " It's late, get some rest."
Sure enough I ignore her, just to sit with my thoughts.
I figure I'm writing this for reference, so I can remember what a psycho I am.
Or as mom says " writing to make seance of what you don't understand "
I guess in some ways shes right, well thats what I believe till otherwise.

I pass out....

I wake to this image, one that consumed my night thoughts.
The image that filled my mind, is vague but memorable.
I lay in a field of roses and a man, Tall, strong Figure, Stands above me.
His face is blurred , all I can make out are the words he whispers in my ear...
" you are your only Demise, your the rise and fall of your own self. "
He then just * pooof* Disappears, like a magic trick .
But only to spite me, for I know not how the trick was performed.

I guess I'll never understand....

Me.

MOM

one woman.
She is a super hero.
She is a cosmologist.
She has the answer to every question.
She is always there to pick me up when I fall.
She is a teacher.
She is a wise one.
She is a drill Sargent.
She is amazing.
She is a mother.
Not just any mother She's my mother.

She is one woman.
She is always their to save me.
She never lets me leave the house looking like a drag queen.
She has the best answer to the worst question
She tough me every thing I know.
She knows every thing I about to do.
She keeps me in line when I start to fall out.
She amazes me every day.
She is My mother.
I love you Mom<3 .
You are my forever,
& EVER!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

I'll count to ten,
I'll calm my nerves so I can talk.
I'm exploding with irrationality,
I'm about to explode into over drive.
I'll fix it of course,
Making it better is my job.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!
So I found the rationality in side,
I'll hear you out again?
It was a mistake,
The clock stopped working...
Againn,
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
I'll let you start over again,
your turn to make it feel better.
I'll rubb your back,
tell you it is all ok.
Your forgiven,
but your actions never forgotten
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Lets start all over again ?

Tears.

Tears across my face
there is a tear for each broken promise
a lonely heart can not heal,
when I need you here you
are no where to be found
I'm forced to do it all on my own
but I'm always right there when you call
I listen to the silence in my room
every phone ring I think it is you
the knock on the door I thought I herd your voice
the wind blows over my body and It
feels like your right here
Your just a dream, a dream
I wait for you to come true
but it is sad that you never d

I said

I told you I like it when you smile,
You said I love it when you make me smile.
I told you i liked to hear you laugh,
You told me I love it when you make me laugh,
I told you I like you noise,
You told me you love my noise.
I told you I like you hair,
You said I love to feel your hair.
I told you I like that face you always make,
You told me you love the face I make.
I told you I like to make you happy,
You told me you love being happy with me.
I told you I like how you make me feel,
You told me I love to make you feel good.
I told you I like falling asleep in your arms,
You told me you Love it when I fall asleep in your arms.
I told you I like being yours,
You told me you Love having me.
I told you I like you A lot,
You told me I Love you A LOT.

I told you I love you more...
You told me thats imposable.

I can't Love you

I think I can not longer love you.
My Lullaby plays on.
My tears are my fucking demise.
The bruise of my mistake never heals.
1992-2009 My time is going by.
Heaven is where I want my soul to lay.
Laying over the water.
Their will be no darkness.
The light will have never ending supply.
The music plays forever on.
It was suppose to be us.
The lies POOR out of your mouth.
The pieces on the floor are of my broken heart.
I Loved to Love you.
Now, I hate to love you

Gone

Moving on and we said good byee.
You walked past me With no expression.
I Put all the old pictures away.
do you remember the faces we made ?
how?, oh god how?,
I wish I could hold you.
you just walked on.
after all the many nights in my bed.
you just forgotten all of our memories.
My tears just burn right threw to my sould.
I rested our love.
You were suppose to catch me.
I'm falling with no support.
We were suppose to be forever.
You could never have forgettoen
all the memories I thought that
we shared.....

,

Take me away from today
Hide me In my Dreams
Save me from my broken soul
Repair my heart
Make us one instead of none
I feel the faint heart beat
My lungs are filling with air
So heavy it feels like water
I thought I could have the perfect life
But god is not so giving
You must prove you deserve
in order to receive
but you pay with your life
uneducated and misunderstood
Like a noisy quiet person
How could a empty room be so fucking loud.

That is all.

Strip me.

You lead me to believe there was
no end to this beautiful beginning
Fooled
I was a 'real ghee' one with
never ending options
Lost
I gave it all away to prove
you were going to keep me
Unwanted
we really never were meant to be
we just Luckily found each other
Chance
But I our heart fit together
perfectly not better match
Fate
I'm naked in your eyes
I have not secrets to hide
Serenity
I want to be the one you keep
I want you to tell me I'm never leaving you
Future
It is just the past on repeat
what did I do in a past life
Redemption
It is then end to a life
a happy death

Suicide

Red Demise

empty my body of this soul,
maybe then I might stand a chance at life,
Leave my soul to fly free
I'll leave you with my eyes blood shot
red from these tears I counted
as they fall from the hole on the side of my eyes
My heart is in pieces of glass
Every wish I make no longer comes true
I feel like my faith rests soley on you
my brain can't take any more
the heat my body generates when you say
accept it, please just accept it
Leave my body an empty shell, let it burn
let my body redeem no pleasure
Let this fire be my criptonite
rip it up and leave me to become ash
My life is better unlived, let me fly let me fly let me fly
In your arms of death I swear I'll die.

^

I'm standing on the top of the hill,
Looking down to see the water below
The smell of the lake is caring my soul
the wind is whistling sweet nothings in my ear
Grass up to my knees I brushing my feet threw it
the last drops of the leftover rain sits confusedly on my shoes
I watch the birds fly over my head
twirling and singing their story from tree to tree
but my heart is sad
my body is in complete harmony but heart refuses to stay quiet
My mind feels the need to yell
I'm standing in the sun as it warms my face
but deep inside I still feel cold
at the peek of the hill I stand tall
Looking down to my sweet demise
The debate of jumping is crossing my mind
I close my eyes and let my body rock back and forth
I'm falling forward the all the sudden I stopped moving
there is this over whelming feeling telling no please don't go
I stand tall and wait to see if I still fall
but I look down beside me and a see a lil yellow bird
looks me right in they eye and fly's away
then all the sudden my heart begins to beat the right pase
there is a misunderstood look on my face
the smell of the 11:oo air carry's my mind away
Life suddenly makes seance
Really it is just a matter of life or death.

For janelle

we have thins kind of love that prevails threw every thing,
a Kind of love that can take my life But once retained revive my soul
even in my dieing and breathless moment you give me air
no matter how shattered my heart is with you,you piece it back to it's whole
My soul use to feel unsettled and searching but for the first time she is calmed
It is like when I look at you I see the dreams I have coming true
when you touch me it is like you bring me new pleasures, un phyisical
I will give you all I have to see you happy
is there a cure for the pain you can bring though
the soroww you left me with when you said good bye
the shattered peice of my heart
My soul uneasy
my dreams crushed in this sunned doom in your eyes
My Lonely wait to serenity
The truth is there is no way to make it permanetly gone....
You are the cure to my demise as you are the bait to my demise
say the word & my blood will fill rivers of my tears I left behind.

Pffft

Lets face it , I'm...I'm...I'm

We were in love beautiful love
but it was torn right down the middle
Why!, oh Why !? did we hold on so long ?
B/c It was was true or was it... was it, Greed ?
The unwillingness to share what I gave you and you gave me
it was to perfect to have the innocent of our passion exploited
It was greed
that hole we both had to fill, but how ? With our love...
we refused to share with anyone but each other
My body in your warms feels soo good
but you wanted the pleasure my love left you with the pleasure it gave you
it was your greed over powering the feeling of love you desired
your desire for greed to be fulfilled was to strong
Stronger then your desire for the love that was trying so hard
It finally found it's way out threw your passion in me
I'm am free to love, free, free, free.....
you shot it down, you killed your hidden passion........

Only reason to cry

It was my Grown Lovee,
I am to young to understand what I have in front of my eyes
the purity of what we were holding in our hands
but I guess you were scared like me....
I guess you just did not trust that I could keep a purity so clean,
Maybee I'm just to immature, just to ungrown
maybe all the smoke in my mouth has clouded my soul
Maybe all that toxic liquid has impaired my thinking
But I can't comprehend the things I did wrong
I'm standing at the dock by the river of my tears
I'm hungry for you're love, but you are not prepared to feed it
my body is not able to heal this pain is physical
I'm standing behind bars of my misconceptions of what I thought I understood
But forever more I'll always be yours, it is not like the past
I'm young but baby I'm not Dumb
My heart Is TRULY yours, I never love the same...
If I let those words leak from my mouth I'll be in shame
I'll stand at the point of our Love, come rescue me,
It is never to late.

He Loves me, I shall not worry.
I have nothing to fear, but that my fate might disappear.

I spy

I spy....
I spy with my little eye, a growing man.
One of such passion and Love,
he cares so deep, his smile as beautiful as a dove.

I spy with my little eye, a beautiful young girl.
her eyes are weary, her smile is broken
her passion ripped right out of her.

I spy with my little eye, Deception.
You fooled her into believing your lies
She was strung up and hung up on you.

I spy with my little eye, Dieing love.
Ripped out of her heart
the blood stained skinn is all thats left.

I spy with my little eye, Lies after Lies.
I'll Love you forever I promise
I'm not going to hurt you EVER I love you.

I spy with my little eye, Loss of hope.
her final thought is of the last time she will say goodbye,
For that word will not escape her lips for it is not forever
she will see you again soon, Hope regained.

I spy with my little eye, Her....
& him together forever,
this happily never after is forever happily after.

Watch me Watch me

Burry me alive, under the tree shadow,
where we once sat and talked
I cheated my self out of life this time
Sleepless nights under the stars
every thing reminds me of you this ring
you place on my finger
I sat up all night counting ever hr
you sleep in my company that night
The sound of your moans are like music to my soul
you sweet nothings you whispered
in the crowd as the day began to break
My shadow don't you come and save
me now before it is to late
Take my picture and sail me out to sea,
watch me, watch me, watch me
slowly lower me into the grave below the water line
baby, baby, baby, you, your every thing I had left
Don't you say goodbye until you truly understand,
understand, RELY understand
I don't want you to worry anymore about me
Just watch me I'm drowning in my own shadow
Look away, look away, look away
Burry me alive lower me alive below the water line
I'll see you under our tree where we sat that day and talked,
I'll surround your body with my spirit
Baby let goo, let goo, let goo,
I'm taking my final breath under the tree
where we once sat
I Love you, I love you , Love you, Love you, Lovee, yes
Please, let me go, Let go of me, I want you happy,
Leave me peace....

Heartless , will I never leave you.

The world is a cruel place to be living
The face of the devil is warn on Peoples selves
But there is something in your eyes
Makes me feel like with you everything is alright
You told me to never get lost alone
I got lost in your eyes walked along the path alone
Forever will I be walking alone with you
I'm looking up at the stars above our walking shadows
Promise that you will always be near
I'm a foolish child at heart to have believed you
Baby I will never leave you heartless
I promise I will never leave you heartless never.

done?

I am filled with remorse for your misunderstanding,
Your pathetic attempts to rule my with your money and jewelry,
You make me laugh at your " flex ",
It seems like you take my mind for granted,
Because my breasts are too big and my curves are to deep,
I refuse to listen to your BULLSHIT so my skull must be to " thick ",
walking around calling me your " chick ",
Like you won me at a challenge,
Like I am some kind of toy or prize? ,
But if you take some time and really look into my eyes,
you would see that I really have a strong intellectual mind,
Your not every thing to me your just a luxury,
I'm fine without you,
after listening to you speak,
I can see your structure is weak,
From the first time we meet you had this cocky approach,
Standing across the room whistling at me like your some kinda coach,
I'm so sorry you got it wrong I don't run bases,
we need to get on the need to know bases,
So now let me tell you how mush you don't see,
I'm only as beautiful as my mind lets me to believe,
You messed with my head I feel so Naive,
If I let my flaws go,
I can get over this sexual tension,
this physical frustration,
I am a woman,
I do not deserve to be a toy or a prize,
no the trick is not to remember my name I could careless,
No winning my love is not a game,
I'm laughing at you and how you put your self to shame,

I don't know weather to cut it there or remove some.
or add some , Advice if you can actually write, if not Enjoy =)

a phone call to her heart.

Her- Helloo
Him- we have to talk
Her- Um?, ohkayy what's the matter.
Him- it is not what, it's us.
Her- What do you mean?
Him- I think It's done...
Her- What ?
Him- Your just making it harder for yourself.
Her- But I Love you,
Him I know, I love you to, & I mean it. Forever.
Her- But, But, But...
Him- No I can't handle this . . .
Her- What do you have to handle you wanted the pain, you asked
for the hurt.
Him - No I did not . . .
Her- you don't understand, you don't get it.
I'm Left with all your broken promises, But yet mine still stand,
I'm left with your fake feeling, I'm left alone to move on, I have
a treasure that I can't hold on to, I have to erase my favorite memories,
I have to accept that things are not the same anymore, I have to look at your
face and see your happy, not with me. . . I have to hear your final I love you
& not be able to truly believe that you ever really meant it?
Him- But . . .
Her - no buts, I'm hurt, it will never feel the same. * hangs up.

* dial tome*

Him- But I love you . . . I'm just not ready to have the chance of losing you,
but I think I just lost you . . .

off the top.

I went to go and see a shrink,
he sat me down and asked me what I think ?
What do I think!where could I start?
I think all started when we drifted apart.
Your lies got better and better
I couldn't tell the truth from lie like magirn and butter.
you said I still love you ,
I thought in my head that can't possibly be true?
I called you say I can't speak,
Did you know how much it hurt my heart got weak.
you tell me you just making new friends,
but I'm not dumb your cutting around bends.
I see the way you look at them
It won't be long till your kiss on them,
I'm a fool to have believed you,
you lead me on and used me like a tool,
but I'm sure I'm just over reacting
like I allways do.
Maybee you are true?
Maybe I'm kidding myself
by thinking about our wealth,
see I thought it was going to be just you and me,
our life would be amazing living in peace you see?
but a foolish heart can not truly believe
until she is proven that there is nothing better then she
but maybee maybe I'm just kidding myself
Forcing my self to believe that there is nothing else
holding myself back,
think that there is a way I could pic up your slack?
Maybe, Maybee, That enough for me
I'm to blind and can't see.
My mind is closing in on her self
forcing me to be unable to believe anything els,
I am breaking myself down,
leting you control me ever time you come around ?
with you sweet words,
singing softly like the birds,
I need to stand up for me,
and then I can love love again and truly believe.

Winter

guys think that girls are hard to understand,
but holy guys never know what they want man,
they sweep you of you're feet and make you feel special
just to let you know that your no longer the menu special,
but at the same time they still love you the same,
They swear to you that nothing is going to change,
but then when you want to lean on them,
they play this game , who what were and when ?,
they pretend they don't see you while thy are with their " friends"
but if it is just him well then it depends,
you know weather or not he feeels like it,
or weather or not he wants to stop and maybe sit?.
but then his whole personality changes quick,
all the sudden you more important then get a girl to suck his dick,
He feeds you his sweet nector have you herd?,
like a flower to a humming bird ,
he swears to you he is Mr Right,
But you know he only wants to be Mr. right now,
but you have a funny feeling that he means it this time,
but the funny feeling is actually trying to tell you to run the other line,
but you want to believe that this time is not the same,
He wants to love you after all despite the shame,
See he restates the old promises he made to you,
You remember them word for word don't you,
you let him hold you around the waist the same way he use to hold on,
then you remember all the tears you dropped when he said " yo I'm gone "
You cry and cry and cry over and over again,
In hope he will remember the way you guys did begin,
Sitting in the old both at back of the restaurant,
Playing footie and laughing try hard not to Flaunt,
that winter you sat by your window talking with him on the phone all night long,
while you listened to him play that song,
his voice helped you fall asleep,
It was much better then sitting there counting sheep,
You truthfully want to blame your self for the pain,
B/c you to made him run threw the rain,
I say we bothed played a peice in out master depart,
I just wish we didn't have to deal with it apart
I would give anything I have to Make every thing better,
I guess I'll wait till I see you in the winter weather.

Love not just sex

My heart is racing,
Sweat is poring off your chest,
I bit my lip,
Your face changes emotions,
my screams get louder,
you and me,
I feel like we became one,
your not consuming me,
your pleasing the inside of me,
No one can make it like this,
Me and you,
I am you,
you are me,
We are us ♥

He say she say

I want to hold on to forever,
you want to say not yet,
I want to say lets make it real,
You say baby thats the way it already feels,
I say I don't want it to end,
you say it is forever it never will,
I told you I loved you befor,
You say I know And I feel the same,
I tell you no listen it is more,
You tell me that you already know,
I tell you you don't B/c I love you and I can't even find the words to tell you,
You Hold my hand and tell me you know,
I look at you puzzled ?,
You smile and say I Love You,
I Blush and say I love you to.

Elephant

I'm telling you whats right infront of you,
can you see the truth in my words,
like the water in a lake,
can you comprehend my feelings,
or do you need a dictionary to look up Hurt?,
There is an elephant in the room.
there are things that are right in your face,
but for some reason you chose to pretend they are not there,
you hide your feeling frome your self under this mask,
Like the last pice of evedence to an imnportant crime,
That crime is Love,
There is an elephant in the room.
Can you see him ?

I need to remember

It is like I'm the only one still here,
I told him I love him, he told me I love you to,
the feeling was mutual but then...
I gave him my heart and he broke it,
but then again he never asked to hold it,
I gave him my body, but then again her never
asked to hold me, he was scared to bruise me,
I gave him my mind, and he clouded my thoughts,
but I have to remember that he never asked to
Leave me empty minded,
I gave him my eyes to help him see,
how amazing I thought he was,
now I can only see how he doesn't need me,
But I need to remember he never asked to see,
now I held his hand threw the ups and downs,
I promised I would always be there, but he broke my fingers,
see he held on to tight, but I need to
remember he never asked me to bare his pain,
I told him he made my world go around,
then he left me in space, but I need to
remember, he never asked to mean the world to me,
I told him my dreams of us, he broke every one,
But I need to remember, He never keeps a promise
I need to remember that he never asked to hurt me,
I was his and he was mine, it was us,
I'm him, he's me , we are us,
but I need to remember he never asked to be together,
wait. . . He did.

Not Directed towards anyone, It was just on my mind.

3 Am

t was like this feeling was amazing,
Had my heart screaming and blazing
Carried my soul to a whole new level,
I was invincible like a solid metal
But the truth is you were just a glass case,
One al tinted so you could hide your true face
The the rain started to fall
Your true color came out threw it all
See thies were the times when you were suppose to be “real”,
But it was a joke man I was the only one that could feel,
Feel the pain you left me with to overcome
Now thins fucking day has come and done
See I seen you threw it
Stayed around longer then just a Bit..
I bared the pain
Faced the shame
Keep true to you
I even lied for you
See I thought it was that true kinda thing,
The one where at the end I have a gold ring
White dress
This day I look better then the fucked rest
Like darke to told you and the rest
Shes the fucking best
That’s a about a minute or twoo
Se this thing called me and you?

Shame Game

Did you know we are playing a game?
It is so stupid, but I'm addicted like,
The crack sniffer to the crack,
see it is that kind of thing that has me itching my skinn
Like the feeling of fending for something,
but It is a slow death thats starts off sweet,
I'm hallucinating, Like I have been stuck in the desert to long,
well, I have.... the one my mind unconsciously creates ,
Like the stories you tell me that you know you don't even believe,
Like the fake tan girls parade around with on the beach, and tell you the orange tint is real ?
see I'm on a acid tripp, but reverse, all the bright colors have gone Grey,
see I use to be warm standing tall like the sun, but now I'm below zero,
see a picture says a 1000 words, but what dose the silence say?
I never knew the silence could be so loud, I hear the screams of a broken heart,
but the rules of the game are confusing, B/c when I thought I was winning, you told me I was wrong,
I Played the wrong way, I never should have trusted you advice to move a space forward.

I can't stop missing you

I- Irreplaceable.

C - Crazy
A- Anxiety
N- Nerves
T- Terror

S- Stress
T- Taunting
O- Over rated
P- Pain

M- Misleading
I- Ignorance
S- Suffering
S- Suiside
I- Intentions
N- Negotiation
G- Giving up

Y- Your's
O- our's
U- Us . . .

My final words to you

The words you last said are still written on the walls of my mind,
the lies that you tell me are slowly leading to my demise,
can't you tell when you look into my eyes,
see I told you every thing that there was to prove to you,
how much I was there for you and how true I was for you,
you always said " you don't . ..." ,
so is this the way your testing it ?
I'm sure I passed that exam with FLYING colors ?
but I am trying to make less of this,
but when I look at you my mind gets fryed,
see I hate this B/c I still have all thies feelings inside,
I'm facing you and I'm losing this battle,
so your the wild horse & I fell of your saddle,
but I'm still tied to you,
your dragging me along the forbidden path your taking,
But I am ridiculous and Stupid,
I'm struggling to set my self free,
Unlock the chain you have around me,
& I'm almost there, almost free,
It is just that I don't want to,
so your holding me down without having to try to,
It's the memories I have never forgotten,
the day you said I Love you,
the day you grabbed my hand and made love to me,
the things you did to change my point of view,
Like you said to me once,
" It just hit me, I was trying to stack potatoes & all I could think of was you "
I can't believe all those memories are just becoming our past,
but it is Love that we have shared together and that will forever last.
so I'm not going to end off with begging and pleading,
I'm tired fed up and done with this bleeding,
Weather you remember or not, I do,
You can lie and say it was not true,
but thats fine 'll just laugh at you,
B/c I remember every thing you said & every thing you once did just for me,
I'm happy and thats the best thing for me.

Kay Kosta I'm Finally done, I don't know if it will help,
but I already feel a bit better, I'm doing it for you.

This is what night brings

It is four o' clock am,
and I'm at this again,
I am wide awake and I can't sleep,
I was laying for hours counting sheep,
My mind is telling me one thing ,
My heart is begging me for another,
I don't know who to listen to anymore,
it is a hard choice to make,
well no not really,
I have to stop and start thinking about me seriously,
It is my turn, me, Myself, I,
but I am still contemplating every thing,
I am breaking down my life to simply understand,
you know make a cheat sheet,
so I know all the answers,
but all I want it to stop, JUST STOP!
I put it out,
but it keeps finding away in,
I don't know what you want me to say,
fuck this shit writing is gay.

it is coming back.....

Flyy, Flyy, Flyy,
I smell you on my skinn,
and that sick feeling is setting in again,
see it was good, too good you were not ready,
the truth scared you,
Baby feet kicking the walls of my stomach,
& pulling the strings to my heart,
but the secret is you never knoww,
that her heart beat sounded just like yours,
or what she could have been,
or what she would look like,
she died, in my stomach that morning,
she was ours... she was uss ♥

the secret

Echo,
The smell of the flowers fill the midnight air,
The due starts to form in my hair,
I remember every thing you told to my ear,
She can keep secrets, I thought that was clear?
And that feeling you left on my neck,
Even if I grace it, the pain is still there,
The water stains you left on my face,
That was the day we , not me we, fell from grace,
I did not think you would see me like this,
I’m strong and I fooled you threw the blis,
Good finish last, right?. ….

Beautiful Ugly

A single line to complete a girls life,
It can Close her eyes to the ugly thats you hide in side,
You grab her by the throat and Swear you'll take her life,
But your still beautiful you could not mean it,
You tell her she is only good for nothing,
She believes you B/c you know her better then anyone,
She is so far gone into your world, words, lies,
she has forgotten how the sun looks and the flowers smell,
you told her she is not beautiful,
stared her in the eyes and watched her collapse to the ground,
You Killed her, took her life like you thought you were her god,
But she is stronger then that,
she stands up to tell you,
Don't tell me I'm good for nothing,
You have no power to Take MY life,
She is in her world & she can see the beautiful ugly you are,
Looking her in the eyes she tells you I am Beautiful,
Your words are sounds not meanings of my being,
I'll stand up looking you in the eyes, I am Beautiful.


Dedicated to my Loved one, Stand strong for he is just a man,
You are Beautiful, & I Love you, With all my heart. STAY STRONG.

Music said

You said that you were going to be there threw thick and thin,
B/c your were going to " hold me down " like fat Joe and J lo
Our love was amazing beautiful hot and Blazing,
It was like Marcus Huston said " sex with you in like "
but I guess it was just us for the time,
Like we were walking in the snow, Like drake Announced" Come Winter "
But even tho we have come to the part of us,
I will sing like Whitney Huston did " I will always LOVE you "
But I am frustrated and feeling complicated,
I need you B/c pussycat dolls know " I hate this part right here "
But I have falling so low,
Like Drake asked you is there anything "Brand New " ?
see now I just feel used miss treated and abused,
like you fallowed lil Wayne " Pussy Money Weed "
see every time I get around you I get hot,
& I have Nelly telling me " It's Getting hot in here "
I should have accepted it before,
I might make it but Sean Paul told me " I'm still in love with you boy "
we were always together don;t you remember?
Holding hands making love like Beyonce & Jay z " Bonnie and Clyde "
But you need to remember threw this all, you changed me,
Like Nelly furtato told me Your a " Maneater "
But i'll stop hear this is more then enough,
Avril lavine told me you wishing your life away with " things I'll never say "
But I'll just simply put it to words you understand since you play the "game"
Walk away with a smile Dracke's song was sang " Congratulations "

Music & Love ♥

You

he pain is fucking insane,
Even tho I refuse to admit that you still exist,
you are refusing that I have the chance to forget,
It was like Love now it is just Possession,
Yeah thats right I'm Possessed with what you ask you,
see your love is leaving me nightmares,
Things that you could never understand,
I want you to dream what I dreamed,
See it would bring tears to your eyes,
you have me scared of my own room,
See you have me afraid of sleeping,
Dreaming is intense,
See this is to close to reality to be just a dream,
I could smell your breath as you spoke to me,
I could feel your grip on my arm as you begged me,
I could see the brown in your eyes,
as you looked threw my soul for you know I would give in,
It was as if you were really there,
I woke up scared to role over for you might actually be there,
I am scared to sleep,
I am Scared of my own body,
I am scared of the story's my mind can create,
I am Scared of you,
I can still taste your lips,
and I can still feel your GRIP,
I smell your Musk on the back left of your neck,
Did you think I would forget ?,
I still feel your hand on the back of my neck,
I feel it as if it was real,
Giving me new hopes that are FUCKING UN REAL,
It is like a beautiful lovee,
This is a love that is completely consuming me,
I have no air left to breath,
No water to quench my thirst,
No food to quiet my stomach,
for I am left alone,
only thing I really have is your possession,
So you leave me afraid of my own room,
Afraid to close my eyes for to long,
Afraid,
Afraid,
Afraid of you .

I was thinking...

Looking back in the past,
I see how beautiful and too good things were to last,
I remember running home in the dark,
so there was no way I could not see you tomorrow in the park,
I remember drawing you picture on a piece of paper,
Just to keep it hidden & tell you about it much latter,
I remember every thing you tought me about life,
How I was truly beautiful aww how nice,
see you were the first to open me up,
Like I was so clear to you like a glass cup,
I thought it was going good for us,
Like sitting and kissing hiding in the back of the bus,
Making love on the windowsill at 12: oo am,
Telling me you never want me to leave again,
now you want me to disappear from you,
Like you never loved me & your glad we're threw,
but it was funny how I was not the first one saying I love and need you,
Last time I checked you thought about me at work?, I swear you did, did you ?,
I was making you look foolish,
Like you have been sniffing Nail polish,
but you wanted two see,
It was never enough to just have me,
see I remember all the cute things,
Like The memories " angry little person" Brings,
I wish I could tell you how I feel,
I want to remind you it was not fake but REAL,
Wow thats intense insane,
I guess I need mental help with my brain,
I get told day in and day out,
that if thats love it is not what it is really about,
See you said I was your every thing,
I was all you ever wanted,
I'll keep it real baby,
I'm the best that ever done it,
but I guess she feels better then I ever did,
I guess she makes you bust like your getting rid,
But look in her eyes,
do they feel as warm as mine?,
and dose her hair fall on your face like mine?,
and her teeth grind like mine,
when your hitting it from behind?,
Can she make you melt even when It is cold out side,
Baby,
Please?,
Can I . ..
I just need a second to get it together,
Did you just say you know I am better,
Then hurry over I want to strip you of your sweater!,
I want to go for walks till my feet burn,
and dance around your house till my legs give in.
I want to take you back all the way back,
to where you and I started to begin?

I found....

I was walking down the street of my lost dreams,
I had tears of pain in my eyes,
I found god that day taking the final drag of his Last smoke,
I asked him why was I left so alone,
he told me I need not an explanation but a solution,
I Grabbed his sleeve with tears falling to say but how?,
he told me I need fallow my heart it is time to stop thinking,
how do I shut my mind to the logic,
he says close your eyes,
I'm lying on the floor without anything to say,
I open my eyes to see him... my anwsers and hope is gone,
I did not ask you for much but to meet me half way,
but then again every one ends up alone,
standing in the spot light of your fears,
where were you why I was falling?,
it was too late you were to lost and insecure,
I held calm under your feet,
you said where have you been,
I said here.

ask me why I care?

Did I Ever mention that I was in love with you ?,
& that I could never forget you, I wish I made love to you.
Like Under the moon with out anyone around,
with the moon light in my eyes and the wind under my back,
See with out you my life has been failing out of whack
I hate to say it but it is like I want you back,
No not want I need you
like craving for you like you could never understand
I was trying to play like I was fine,
See I bet you never knew it this whole time?,
but It is time to come out of my shadow,
Weather or not you forgive me I want you to know,
I am sorry for the things I left you standing in the wind with,
the tears falling down my face you never understood,
the lies I told you to help me hide,
the secrets you never heard,
but they are all in front of you just look,
I know your probably feeling kinda shock,
I know I think I will just stop,
If you want me to tell you more ,
I would love you to be knocking on my door,
Until then I well let you take it all in.

Falling asleep in your arms again....

I made a wish, hoping it would come true,
Some how I thought my thoughts would find you,
Making a wish on a fallen flower,
Hoping my love is strong enough to bring you the power,
The one I feel as I lay my heart on the line,
I was aiming for you every time,
But I can't make you Love me if you don't,
the only reason why you don't is B/c you won't,
Here in the shadow of the sun,
Where we once felt as one,
In my final hour,
I'll Keep your love strong and never lose the power.


You will probably not read this, But if you do I am to scared to actually tell you how much I REALLY love the, it is like when you hold me I fit just right, but weather or not you read this, I know you will find out just how much I love you, Truly do. B/c No matter what I go there I will ALWAYS need you, thats why I always crawl back to you, & you must need me to, or you would not have let come back so Manny times, well I feel better to have got it off my chest, so uh, yeah, now you know

so I said...

Here are some words to help you pass the time,
In order to make it work listen instead of wasting your breath,
There are 4 letters to make a word that means every thing,
But it takes two people to make the word mean every thing it dose,
But in order to say goodbye it only takes one,
One soulless sentence,
Once heart breaking Stare,
One Broken thought,
One forgotten memory,
One, One, One, One.
But to make it better it takes two,
Two willing hearts,
Two Joint hands,
Two Life filled souls,
Two Love glazed sets of eyes,
Two, Two, Two Two.
but there is only four letters in the word that means the world,
Two People, One word, One Fate.

LO,V,E

To ease the pain

Here are some words to ease your pain and fears,
see your smile has captured my thoughts,
but he smile has captured my heart,
your hands are around my arm,
but his hands have a hold of my soul,
when we are together it feels as though I have no where else to be,
but when I am with him I know I have no where else I could imagine wanting to be,
It is just you and me,
but it was always meant to be just him and I,
but for you to understand you have to feel for me not for you,
I was meant to find him you know,
But I was just meant to bump into you on the way.

Happy Birthday

There is me and then there is you,
see sometimes Perfect can mean minor flaws,
The ones you can look past to see her perfect,
see to me you are Perfect,
as in I look past all flaws and I can only see the perfect,
but me, I am imperfect,
Mistake is my middle name,
Unforgettable heart breaker well, you said it,
See insensitive, well that basically sums me up,
but like every person on earth,
I seek a bit of forgiveness,
for my flaw & my faulty,
but past all of that I have something I need to say,
but I still have not found the right words,
so I guess I will just say it the best way I can,
You make my world make scene,
and you make my angry face, happy,
You are the glue that holds me all together,
You are the prince to my fairytale,
You are the completion to me,
With out you I don't know how there ever was me,
See with you there is a better me,
I feel like I FINALLY know who I am,
when ever I am with you, I am perfectly perfect,
When I am with you, the whole world goes silent,
The only thought entering my mind, Is how can I figure out how to stay forever,
See I hate to be a bother, but I love bothering you,
even tho you think I am gone, Trust me I am always there,
1oo%, I will always give you my 1oo%,
Truthfully I am in love with you, weather or not it means anything,
I said it, Feel it, Think it, Know it, Mostly I Feel it.

The beater

She is waking up with your beater on,
Making you wish she was here not gone,
reminiscing on the night she layed in your comfort,
Listen to her talk in her dreams of all sort,
you look at her remembering you put her to sleep,
as you reast your head an her sweet heart beat,
she makes you melt when she smiles,
doing all thies little things to dive you wild,
You know no body can give it to you just like her,
she gives you shivers like burr,
she got you begging for her,
you just want to be her sir,
When your making love,
Like the clouds your high above,
Sweet moans of your name,
Thats thing she dose with her tung got you insane,
She caters to your every command,
B/v she loves you, your her man.

Make me feel

u make my skin scream, and you make my heart melt,
You make my hair curl, and you make my toes cramp,
You make me choke up, And you make my neck cry,
You make my knees crumble, and my elbows shatter,
You make my eyes sweat, and my thighs weak,
But you make my heart sad, but you make my soul happy,
But you make my eyes cry, but you make my arms numb,
But I love how you make my thought singg,
and you make my heart dance,
I like how you make those butterflys dance,
I like your smile when you feel acward,
I like the way you hold my body when we hugg,
I like how you make me forget what I am saying,
I like how nervous you make me when I call you,
I like how you make me think so hard,
I like that you make me Pounder,
I like that you make me confused,
I like.... Like... Uhmm, I like You,
I like every thing about you,
But you make me feel sad, but you make my heart sing,
I want you ta make me feel like this....

NOW!

ets talk this out
just you and me
now,
lets forget about him
b/c your the only thing on my mind
now,
Lets forget your with her
B/c I want you to yell my name
now,
Lets say we didn't and do
b/c I never want to forget you
now,
I want to feel like.. like
I want you to make me feel
now,
I want to see your face against mine
and I want to feel like I drank to much wine
now,
I want you to tickle my stomach
And I want you to pull my hair
now,
I want you to rubb my back
and Lick my neck
now,
I want to Rubb your back
and Lick your stomach
now,
I want to get you hot
and cool you down
now,
I want you to fall into my arms
and I want you to pull me into your arms
now,
I want you to remeber
I want to never forget
us now.

As weather changes...

The weather changes and so do I,
the leaves change colour, and my eyes go grey,
Then snow starts to fall, and the tears start
to glide down the ice hills of my cheeks,
Then the sun burns the earth, as your anger burns mt face,
and then it starts to rain, when it rains it pours,
and as the day fades to night, the blood pooors,
and the body breaks, leaving nothing but the memmories,
of what and what could have been.

I miss my pen and her words <3

My eyes bleed only becuse of all the pain I see,
My Skinn crawls because I can't leave my house without fearing for my life,
My hair starts to stand up because that feeling your giving me is sexual,
I can feel the smoke flowing threw my veigns because it has become part of me,
I can feel my lungs bleeding because you are taring me up in side,
I can feel my eyes burning because I can't stop staring,
You make me feel like I never ever felt befor,
You made love to me like love has never been made befor,
You Opened up my soul and turned her blind,
We made a relation ship together,
We watched it fall apart and didn't stop it,
We, We, We...... Yeah we were something.

done ?

Hello, My name is complicated.

I grew up in the town of mystery.
My parents were separated by alcholism, and single motherhood,
I'd say it is nice to meet you, but I know it is never good if you're meeting me.
I'd like you to make your self confortable,
but I guess that just what you wanted me to say right ?
In good concious I won't mutter to you a word.
eventually you'll hate me just like every one else, you'll blame me for the bad things,
why? well I no longer feel the pain of sorrow, nor the anger of defeate.
I am simply an alusion, Made up by your unconcious mind, the part of you,
that hold your deepest fears and you worste defeates, and untaimly murder.
then why was I so real?, and now I am so far gone I am nothing but a faint disturbing memory?
You made me that way, against my own will but I am your imagenation so I have no will.

Emotions now dead.

there is a sudden sound to dismantle the silence,
but I wanted to leave it with no words nor sounds,
my mind was interrupted with your vengeful thoughts,
but I figured it was just out of greed,
The greed your keeping hidden with your sober words,
but stinging with your drunken slurs,
the complication is only the beginning to the conflict,
once the desire to feel complete starts to eat you you'll understand,
with every broken dream you dream harder,
but with every broken heart you seek mending and emotionless comfort,
like the Pain of loneliness to the pain of forbidden Love.

If I run out of words I will always have this....

Some times the unconscious mind takes things upon its self,
Causing you to think some of the worst things in the best of times,
Like altho I should smile when I see you I end up crying it out,
so I want you to understand that the pain I feel for you tho painful is still beautiful,
If you would give me the chance to tell you every thing I know,
Understand I was where you are in the middle of greed and despair,
the time line between now and never is only short,
The young minded healing is only slow due to the lack of knowledge,
but in case I run out of words I will always have this,
in case I run out of words, you can always read this and understand,
in that case the words are spoken ever so slowly in hopes you understand.


No particular Attend.

...

You’re the cure to this illness,
but ever since I meet you I've been sick.
It is a virus that is eating me up inside,
every time I'm better is resurfaces.
It's a feeling unmistakable,
you know the Kind you try and forget? But can't.
Only I can feel it though, only I will suffer,
me, not him, you, her, them, them, but me
But when I'm right beside you everything becomes invisible,
and I miraculously feel better.
I tell myself it was not because of you,
but in reality I know it is.
Then this feeling catches up to me,
I'm throwing up our love.
This sickness has found its way back in,
I pop the pills of our love.
But I overdosed,
and now I'm lying under your feet.

A letter to my Love

Dear Love,

oh how I pray we could spend every second together,
being shadowed in your purity, enjoying your words,
I can't see what would be me without you,
Longing to be in your presence with no escape,
being so many miles away makes me feel like I need life support,
every time I read the words you write my heart beats faster,
I am so blessed to know you, and be known by you,
and with every setting sun I thank god for another day in your presence,
as I count down the seconds till I fall asleep for I am to excited to see you again,
and as I dream tonight you will be in my thoughts,
I will make love to you like no one has ever made to you.

so until the stars rest once more, and the sun warms your face,
I will be seeing you.

Love you're Dove

Just so you know.

You asked me what it is about you that gets me so bad,
Truth?, I have no clue
There is this feeling I get in the pitt of my stomach,
My mind goes all blank and fuzzy like I lost satelite connection,
I stare into your eyes and sometimes I wounder,
Do you ever think what I think when your wrapped in my legs ?,
Every kiss so sweet like blood on my teeth,
Heart beat so loud it makes my ears sweat,
Rubbing my back we leave with no survivors,
Your holding on to my hand because if we go it’s together,
Every breath you take gets harder and harder,
Every breath I take leave me winded,
I can feel your warmth alover my body,
I always fall inlove,
Till sun sets and stars rise, I’ll make Love to you.